You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
