It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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