Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
