it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
