No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
