sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
