how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
