I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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