haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
