There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
