Sry I called you an 8
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
