So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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