I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And then he peed in my hair
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