Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
