Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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