i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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