I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
