This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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