i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I touched a dick in church today
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize