First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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