the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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