this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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