We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
