i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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