I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
