i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
