It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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