I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
