I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my shit smells like andre
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
