I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
