Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
