I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
