I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize