i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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