How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
