so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
