Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
