OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
