I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
