she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
