Got a toothbrush?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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