My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
