the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
