btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
