my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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