Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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