What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
