Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize