so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
