Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
