She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
