can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
