That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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