My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
