Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize