He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
