Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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