remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
