I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
