i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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