Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
