where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
