im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize