just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You made out with two different species that night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Randomize
