Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
