my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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