I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
