our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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