when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
