either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
