idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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