Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
